Tag Archive | grieving

It’s the Holiday Season…

christmas-pictures-8

It’s supposed to be shiny and bright and full of hope and promise, but somehow this year feels a bit different to me. I’m a bit darker this year. Not in a depressing, angry way just more of a desire to look at the dark corners of my life that I haven’t really wanted to notice before.

I’m looking at the truths I have been afraid to speak, and finding that I finally have the courage to speak them. I’m now able to do that in a real, honest, non-drama filled way. I can see my part, and I can own it. As uncomfortable as it may be.

This took work. It’s what I’ve been doing for the last few months after participating in Nicky Scully’s Egyptian Mysteries Retreat in Oregon this past August, and it builds on other work I’ve been doing for many years now. Whatever this is and for however long it takes to complete itself, there is growth, and that is good. 

In the meantime, I’m going to take full advantage of the dark and play in steampunk land with design for a bit…

ruby-skull-and-feather-earrings

 

Natural Rubies with Mixed Metals, Crystal, and Howlite 

$18- Silver-plate  (Available with Shepherd’s Hook, or Lever-back as shown)

$25 – Sterling Silver  (Available with Post, Shepherd’s Hook, or Lever-back as shown)

Phone orders only

 

 

BTW – Sorry for the not-so-great photo… I have a camera & photography station on my wish list! 🙂  See, there’s a smile! There is light at the end of the tunnel and this time it’s NOT an oncoming train .

So what happened to October and what do you mean it’s almost Christmas???

Yeah. Life happens. Especially when I build too many things into my schedule.

Getting used to the idea that I’m trying to build a web presence had taken a back seat to all the endless needs that presented themselves since September… and my habit of blogging had not been firmly established yet, so it took a real back seat.

Then there was the trip back to New York, New Jersey, and Pennsylvania, my childhood home and stomping grounds. And losing my login and password to the admin section for this site (well, it wasn’t really lost, I just left it at home, and didn’t want to mess everything up by attempting to re-set it – I’m sure someone feels me), and to top it off I got the flu. A bad, bad flu.

I learned a lot from all the experiences though.

The number one thing I learned was that of all the activities and comings and goings, my FAVORITE thing to do is spend time connecting with students and peers in the jewelry world! I’ve been getting such a kick out of teaching and sharing tips and tricks with everyone I’ve been meeting! I want more and am excited for the next round of classes. I’ve met some amazing, courageous and loving women, and I can’t help but smile every time I think of them. I’ve also been offered some amazing opportunities, and I’m excited to explore them.

As for the never-ending flu… well, I learned a lot about natural remedies and alternatives to antibiotics. I rarely get sick, but when I do, I get REALLY sick. I stopped taking antibiotics back in 2011 when my health took a real tumble, and have been relying on alternatives ever since. Some work great and really fast, some take a bit longer, and some simply don’t resonate with me so I don’t use them. I’m learning how to listen to my body better. This time when I got the flu, it was paired with a throat infection and I could sense that bronchitis was on the way. I used Oil of Oregano, which worked wonders on the throat infection for the first day, then added Grapefruit Seed Extract, and followed that up with a mixture of Fresh Garlic & Raw Honey. Oh, and I took an enzyme formula to deal with the congestion.

All of that may sound crazy, but it did wonders to stop the infection in its track and keep the bronchitis from taking hold (I used to suffer from chronic bronchial asthma, so I know the signs of it coming on all too well). What was never-ending was the sheer exhaustion and feeling like I was on the edge of it all coming back. That took a while to clear.  I’ve noticed that since I was diagnosed with MS back in 2004, my body takes longer to heal, and I need to be patient and gentle with myself – this has been a huge challenge for me, and I am happy to report that I am getting a bit better at it.

Last but not least, the trip back east was really a soul’s journey on which I learned why “you can never go back.” It is possible to revisit a place if it still exists, but you can’t go back, simply because you’re not the same person anymore. In some instances that insight was a relief, in some it was bittersweet, and in others there was a deep sadness of the past being gone forever (like finding that Elvee Rosenberg, Inc. is no longer doing business at their store on 37th street) . I had to give myself time and space to lovingly let go. This trip was about collecting the joy in the memories, wherever I could, savoring them, and choosing to move forward in my life only with the good stuff. I’m not ever going to deny the bad stuff happened. I just simply have decided to build from the good stuff, and let the bad just fade into the background. My new motto is: “Take what you like, and leave the rest.”

SO forward we go into the New Year… what New Year you may ask? Well for me, my spiritual tradition celebrates the New Year on the first dark moon after the Pleiades set, and that fell on October 23rd this year, so Happy New Year! (I celebrate the calendar New Year, too, have no fear!) And yes, if you’re doing the math, it fell on my trip back east… the celebration was actually the primary reason for my trip back east. I try to go back as often as I can to celebrate with the members of my spiritual family, to do inner journey work, and to honor all those who have come before me. It’s a wonderful time for reflection, and I think that having the flu slowed me down just enough for me to actually pay greater attention to the messages that I was being given. If I had to sum up the trip with a tarot card, it would be the 8 of Cups –  moving on.

Back to the New Year… what am I expecting? Lots of time to heal and grow, lots of jewelry classes & learning, lots of love and lots of fun. But as I start dreaming up the new, I’ll try to keep my head in today and work at building a blogging habit and a fully functional website.

Brightest Blessings!

Maria

Elvee Rosenberg, Inc., pillar of the jewelry community since 1914 has left 37th Street forever :(

Elvee Rosenberg, Inc., pillar of the jewelry community since 1914 has left 37th Street forever 🙁

New Gems

New and beautiful gems on display in a new store on 37th street.

 

 

 

Letting go… Getting Closure… Walking into What’s Next

Making life changes isn’t always easy.

Oh, it’s easy to move, redecorate, maybe even start a new job or school… at least that’s been the easy part for me. I find that I really enjoyed the “project” side of whatever new event was being created in my life, and in fact, in many ways I still do. There’s an excitement about whatever is new.

I love dreaming, creating new dreams of what I want next, and talking to others about their dreams and exploring ways of how to make them real. It’s a real passion of mine. The problem is getting lost in their dreams and then forgetting about my own.

Although I have been a serious “seeker” of spiritual pathways for more than 28 years, it was only during the last few years that I finally saw the growth from diligently working on my inner self and clearing out old ways of thinking and being that no longer served me. It’s been quite a process and it’s one I am sure will continue for the rest of my life. What changed for me? I finally stopped caring about what other people think.

That may sound mean, but it’s not.

The only person that truly has to be pleased with who I am and what I do is me.

It took me almost my entire life to finally learn that lesson. And let me tell you it feels good. Really good. Solidly good.

Now that doesn’t mean that I don’t care about other people; anyone who knows me knows that I love truly and deeply, that I have wonderful friends and family, and that I give of myself in many ways to the community. But I don’t keep those relationships because I’m expected to, or I have to. Each one of them is a choice I make because it fills my soul with happiness.

I’ve done a lot of letting go of relationships and ways of being that were hurtful, harmful, or just plain made me unhappy. Believe it or not, even though they were really no-brainer decisions when I finally saw them for what they were, it was still hard to let them go. There was a grieving process that went along with them.

Sometimes I want to run so fast into the future that I’m trying to create, that I forget to slow down and breathe. I am changing. It takes time. Breathe, Maria… breathe… The web isn’t going anywhere, yet… there’s plenty of time to grow the business. 🙂

Brightest Blessings,

Maria